Picture this: you're in the mood to initiate sex with your partner. But you stop yourself without saying anything or getting close to them physically. Why? You're too afraid of being rejected.

Maybe they said something in the past when you tried to get frisky and it made you feel pushed away, embarrassed, or unwanted. Or even worse, ashamed for making the first move. 

Rejection can be particularly thorny if your partner has asked you to initiate more or you want to take an equal role when it comes to sex. How can you handle the risk of rejection and still approach your partner? Here are four tips that can help!

Warm up

Before you even begin to initiate with your partner, initiate with yourself! Do things that make you feel sexy, worthy, and comfortable in your own body. For example:

• Work out
• Take a shower or bath
• Wear clothes that make you feel attractive
• Model in front of the mirror
• Repeat some self-affirming phrases, such as "I'm desirable," "I'm wanted," and "I have a right to pleasure"

Remember that the sexier you feel, the more likely you are to feel confident when you approach your partner. 

Read the room 

Before you try to initiate with your partner, don't forget to read the room. Do they seem like they're open to being approached or in a space to want to get in the mood? Do they seem stressed or preoccupied with something like homework or chores?

Your partner's body language can help you determine if this is a good time to initiate. Look for hints that they're open to being approached, such as:

• They feel well physically and emotionally 
• They're being affectionate
• They aren't overly involved in something else, like work, watching a movie, or another absorbing or important activity
• You're getting along 
• They don't appear distracted by other thoughts or concerns

Look within 

If fear of rejection keeps you from reaching out to be intimate with your lover, try to identify where that fear of rejection comes from. Did you have a partner who rejected you in the past? Have you worried since then that you might be undesirable?

Maybe your current partner declined sex once and now you feel like you can never initiate again. You may also need to go further back in time to find the source of your fear. Rejection from parents or other family members or bullying can leave emotional scars that impact our current relationships, making us afraid to take chances or risk rejection. 

Learn more: Feel Guilty About Sex?

We may also have body image issues or other insecurities that make it difficult to hear no or accepting a request for a rain check. It can help to talk about these concerns with a friend or therapist, and be open about them with your partner, too. It's important for them to understand what rejection means for you and how it impacts you. This brings us to the last and perhaps most important tip of all. 

Communicate 

Before you initiate sex with your partner, initiate an open and honest conversation. Without communication, it's easy to create your own narrative around sex, desire, and rejection. Consistent conversation outside of the bedroom can improve what happens inside the bedroom, and help to prevent hurt feelings and misunderstandings before they happen.

If you're afraid of being rejected, let your partner know! Chances are, they have some feelings to express, too. The more you know about each other's needs and concerns, the more you'll know about initiating sex in a way that feels good for both of you.  

Learn more: How to Talk About Sex