So you’re flirting via text with your new crush, and virtual communication swiftly slips into sext territory. How do you know which flirty messages are okay to send, and what’s too much too soon?
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered! In this guide, I discuss what sexting is, how to do it without crossing boundaries, and the top 5 sexts that are safe to send a new lover.
What Is Sexting?
Let’s start with the basics — what is sexting, anyway?
Put simply, sexting is sexy texting. It falls under the umbrella of verbal play (also known as talking dirty), and may or may not include accompanying pictures and videos.
What's the point of sexting? Because sexting is done through text and not over the phone or in person, it can help you feel safer and less inhibited, which can boost your confidence and help you and your partner explore your sexuality (and your blossoming relationship).
Many people feel too shy or embarrassed to say sexually explicit things face to face, but feel empowered to let their deepest desires and fantasies flow freely through the phone. Not to mention, sexting can serve as a kind of verbal play practice that builds experience and lets you feel more comfortable bringing those words into the bedroom.
There’s also something uniquely arousing about reading the sexy things your partner has to say. After all, erotic literature is popular because the written word stimulates the imagination. Reading sexually evocative texts can be a fantastic way to build non-physical intimacy, relieve stress, and get fired up for the IRL playtime ahead.
More: Need to brush up on your sexting skills? Check out our guide to talking dirty!
How to Sext Safely
Now that we know what sexting is, let’s talk about how to sext in a way that’s safe and consensual. Remember that virtual sex is still sex, and requires enthusiastic consent between adults.
Regardless of who you’re sexting, consent should be established at the beginning of the conversation. And there are plenty of sexy ways to ask for consent! If you want to send a spicy note to your sexting partner, you could say, "Thinking about you makes me really excited — wanna know why?"
Slow and steady sexting can not only heighten arousal and anticipation, but help establish boundaries, as well. Take time to get familiar with what makes your sexting partner comfortable and turned on, and pay attention to what they don’t respond to.
Remember: an unsolicited dick pic can kill the mood (and get you blocked!) before you know what hit you.
Ask for permission
Always ask permission before sending a sexy picture. Even if conversation is getting hot and heavy, it’s not okay to expose someone to nudity or sexually explicit images without their consent. Of course, you don’t want to disrupt the mood either! So try something like, “You make me so wet/hard… Can I show you?"
It’s also important to reestablish consent and not assume that one yes gives you a lifetime pass. Your partner might not always be in the mood to sext, and feelings can change over time. Remember to check in and make sure you have enthusiastic consent before you hit send.
Top 5 Sexts to Send Your Crush
When you’re testing the sexting waters with someone new, it’s not necessarily best to come out swinging. The last thing you want to do is overstep a boundary or come on too strong and scare a potential partner away.
Here are 5 sexts that can get the ball rolling in a warm-but-subtle way that invites your crush to respond in kind.
1. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
This is one of those perfect texts that’s pretty much always a welcome sight. Who doesn’t like to know they’re on their lover’s mind? Plus, this message opens the door to all kinds of sexy replies like, “Oh yeah? Tell me what you’re thinking about,” and “I can’t stop thinking about you, either, especially last weekend when we…"
2. “I wish we were together right now.”
The best sexts keep the conversation moving and spark flirtatious answers. When you tell your sweetie you wish you were together, you invite them to imagine what you might do if you were face to face. From there, you can delve into sexy scenarios and mutual fantasies that get your juices flowing and keep the sexts coming naturally.
3. “I bet you look sexy right now. Can I see?”
This text hits your crush with a 1-2 punch of praise and the desire to get closer. Send this message only if you’ve established trust with your partner and are confident that the request for a spicy pic will be welcomed and reciprocated.
This sentiment can be especially arousing as it encourages your partner to look at themselves in the mirror and feel sexy, which is a great way to kick off conversation.
4. “You make me want to try things I’ve never done before.”
This sext is clear, concise, and great for folks who haven’t yet engaged in physical intimacy together. The “things” you want to try can be subtly sexy, downright kinky, or have nothing to do with sex at all. The mere suggestion that your partner ignites a lust for life is likely to excite them and spark conversation about fun future plans.
5. “When I see you, I want you to…”
Perhaps the most forward on the list, this sext is best for partners who have already hit the sheets once or twice. Its slightly authoritative tone sets a sexy mood — especially for those who enjoy power play — and builds anticipation for your next rendezvous.
Plus, this message invites a variety of enticing replies like, “I’m going to be so good for you,” and “I love it when you tell me what to do.”
Now that you’ve got some good conversation starters in mind, you’re ready to get to typin’. As long as you’re respectful, confident, and considerate, you’re bound to enjoy some seductive exchanges.
And don’t forget to switch up the verbiage from time to time! Using the words hot or sexy too often can kill the mood (nothing wrong with breaking out the thesaurus while you sext!).