Why does my boyfriend take so long to ejaculate?

Why Does My Boyfriend Take So Long to Ejaculate?

Rose MacDowell

Most of us have heard about premature ejaculation, which is defined as ejaculating more quickly than you want to. But what if you take a long time to ejaculate – or don’t climax at all? 

Join me as I talk about delayed ejaculation. We’ll discuss what it is, what causes it, and techniques that can make it easier to reach the finish line. 

What is Delayed Ejaculation?

Delayed ejaculation describes the inability to have an orgasm as soon as you’d like to. It may take you longer to climax than usual, or you may struggle to feel aroused enough to have an orgasm. You may also feel as if you’re about to climax, but suddenly lose the sensation before it happens. 

What Causes Delayed Ejaculation?

It’s normal to take longer to orgasm than usual on occasion. But if you experience delayed ejaculation often or all the time, there may be an uderlying reason for it. 

Causes of delayed ejaculation include:


Medications are a common cause of delayed ejaculation, and can cause erectile dysfunction, as well. 

  • Anti-depressants like Zoloft and Prozac 
  • Blood pressure medications 
  • Heart medications, particularly beta blockers 
  • Diuretics 
  • Anti-seizure medications

Most of these medications are intended to be taken consistently, making it more likely that they’ll cause side effects. If you experience delayed ejaculation from medications, it may be mild or severe enough that you rarely or never climax. 


Another common cause of delayed ejaculation is anxiety. The anxiety can be related to a partner or to sex, or related to something else like work, finances, or family. 

Anxiety can cause delayed ejaculation by making it hard to focus on sex and physical sensations. Anxiety can also create intrusive thoughts, or make you feel too distracted to relax and enjoy sex. 

Being tired

Delayed ejaculation can also result from feeling tired or sick. If you’re recovering from an illness or didn’t sleep well, you may see the effects in your sexual performance. This is common and usually passes as soon as you sleep or start to feel better. 

Frequent masturbation with your hand

Frequent masturbation with your hand can cause microinjuries to the penis and make delayed ejaculation more likely. This is particularly true if you masturbate daily or more than once a day with a firm grip. 

Known as “death grip syndrome,” these types of injuries can cause the following symptoms:

  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Delayed ejaculation
  • Trouble performing with a partner 
  • Loss of sensitivity
  • Feeling the need to grip harder to get an erection or climax
  • A recent curve in the penis

Death grip syndrome can be temporary or it can be a sign of long-term damage to the nerves and tissues of the penis. If you suffer from the symptoms of death grip syndrome, it’s best to see a doctor for a workup and diagnosis. 

Learn more: What is Death Grip Syndrome? 

How to Climax More Quickly

Delayed ejaculation can be frustrating, but there are ways to address it. The following suggestions can help make orgasm feel easier and less elusive.

Discover your “orgasm threshold”

Get familiar with your orgasm threshold, or what it takes to send you over the edge. What stimuli do you need to complete a solo session? For most of us, the ability to cross the threshold is tied to arousal, so if you’re building more arousal on your own than with a partner, try to figure out how and why that is.

The better you understand your orgasm threshold, the better you can adapt it to partnered play.  

Build a mood of excitement 

Creating excitement before you get down to business is top priority during partered play. Foreplay, anticipation, and talking with your partner about sex ahead of time can all help put you in the mood for pleasure. The more aroused you are from the start, the easier it can be to reach orgasm. 

Take a break from masturbation

Chronic masturbation can make it more difficult to reach orgasm alone and with a partner. To help make orgasms easier to achieve, give solo pleasure a rest. This includes watching porn, which studies show can be addictive and detrimental to sex with a real human being. 

Remember – porn can desensitize the brain’s reward system, making it harder to have sex with a partner and to climax. A break of several weeks can help your body and reward system recover and restore your ability to orgasm. 

Also, watch for symptoms of death grip syndrome. If you masturbate frequently with a hard grip and notice erectile dysfunction or loss of sensitivity, see a doctor for an evaluation. 

Add more stimulation

Some of us simply need more physical stimulation to get there. Lubricant increases glide, which maximizes pleasure for both partners and, in many cases, makes climaxing easier. Silicone lubricant typically lasts longest, while water-based lubes are safe to use with condoms and all sex toy materials. 

Toys designed for penis stimulation can also add more intense sensations that help to increase arousal. This in turn can boost your chances of having an orgasm more quickly.

Not sure which how to choose a penis toy? Check out our Complete Guide to Strokers