Let’s be honest: not every sexual experience is going to be perfect, passionate, or filled with fireworks. Sometimes sex is awkward, sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes it takes too long to figure out what to put where.
But there are 5 very important things that every lover can bring to the table to ensure the best possible sex is had by all.
Follow along as I detail the top 5 things (plus 1 bonus thing!) you can do to create the most pleasurable sexual experience for you and your partner.
Prioritize Your Partner’s Pleasure
This list is not ranked by importance — but in my personal opinion — this is number one. There is zero chance of good sex if you focus solely on your own pleasure.
When it comes to sexual intimacy, it takes two (or three, four, or more) to tango, and no one’s satisfaction is more important than another’s. So before you hit the sheets, make sure you go into the experience with the right mindset.
When you make your partner a priority, they’re more likely to reciprocate, and more likely to have an orgasm, too (talk about a win-win!). Not to mention, aroused bodies are wetter, more erect, and more ready to receive. Remember, when mutual satisfaction is on your mind, you’re set up for success.
Do Your Homework
If you want to give your lover a stellar sexual experience they won’t soon forget, you’ll need more than just good intentions. Before you get down to business, study up on what they like, read sex-positive literature on how to please them, educate yourself on their anatomy and what happens to it during arousal.
Knowledge is power, and power is sexy.
Of course, some things can only be learned from hands-on experience — that’s half the fun, after all. But entering the scene with a firm grasp on what makes your partner tick can make all the difference between mediocre intercourse and earthquakingly good sex.
More: Read Women’s Anatomy of Arousal to learn about squirting, expanded orgasms, and more!
Say Yes to Sex Toys
Repeat after me: sex toys are friends, not foes.
The entire purpose of a pleasure product is to facilitate pleasure! Sex toys like vibrators, anal toys, dildos, and penis toys are not competition for your lover, nor are they tools to replace human intimacy.
They can, however, bring you and your partners multiple orgasms and encourage you to explore your bodies in new, sexy ways. Trust me: sex toys are only here to help.
That said, using sex toys with a partner can be a little nerve-wracking, especially if you’ve never used them before. Take your time, find what feels good, and shop for sex toys together! Browsing pleasure products hand-in-hand is not only a great way to ensure you both agree on what to try, but also a fun way to build anticipation for the playtime ahead.
Shop: Browse all couple’s toys now!
Focus on Arousal
Arousal happens in the mind first, then sends signals through the body, causing erectile tissue to swell, expand, and lubricate. That’s why sex when you’re properly aroused feels so much better than when you’re not.
Penetration, in particular, can feel painful, uncomfortable, or like nothing at all if the receiver is not fully aroused.
To get your partner fully aroused, try dedicating more time to verbal play, teasing erogenous zones, giving an erotic massage, and indulging in other exciting activities that get your engines racing. Remember: foreplay is not a bonus act — it’s an essential part of sexual arousal. Again, the more aroused you are, the better sex feels.
Learn: Read Slow Sex to learn how to focus on pleasure over penetration!
Finally, be honest with each other about wants, needs, and expectations. Neglecting to communicate before having sex is like giving a book report on something you haven’t read. It just doesn’t work.
Sometimes being vulnerable or giving honest feedback can be tough. But remember that your partner wants to know how to please you to the best of their ability. If something doesn’t feel good, gently tell them what what works for you, and what doesn't.
If there are specific kinks or fetishes you want to explore, speak up. Your partner can’t read your mind, so tell them exactly what you crave, and watch your sex life soar.
More: Read Tell Me What You Want to improve your communication skills in the bedroom!
BONUS: Use Plenty of Lube
When it comes to sex, everything — and I mean everything — feels better with lube. Regardless of how wet you or your partner are, lube is a must. Every time.
Well, there you have it. You’re ready to take these sex tips, grab some fabulous sex toys, and put what you've learned into action! But before you go, don’t forget to follow us on Instagram and TikTok so you never miss a toy review or sex education article.
And remember: you can always email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with questions and requests. Happy sexing, everybody!