Let’s face it: the things we say in the bedroom don’t always come out right, and that’s okay. We can’t be silver-tongued casanovas all the time. But certain sentiments can kill the mood instantly and are definite no-nos when it comes to sexual intimacy.
Worried you might blow it when things get steamy? Not sure what's okay to say and what isn't? Here are 5 of the worst things you can say to your lover in the bedroom.
"But all my other partners liked that."
Maybe your old partner enjoyed anal sex and your new lover doesn’t. Or perhaps your former fling was into talking dirty and your new boo is not. It’s normal to note the differences between old and new partners, but keep it discreetly to yourself.
Regardless of whether it’s true or not, this sentiment makes your lover feel both compared to your exes and pressured into measuring up to them. It’s a big mood killer, and a quick way to make your lover feel inadequate.
"Maybe you should shower first."
While it’s fine to want to make love with someone who smells clean, you don't want to make your partner feel self-conscious. If you feel like your lover could use a bit of freshening up before getting down and dirty, hop in the shower yourself and invite them in for some steamy pre-play.
You can draw yourselves a bubble bath, or bring out your favorite waterproof sex toys for some shower fun. If you want to keep things PG until you get into bed, simply lather each other up and rinse off as a sensual way to build intimacy and warm up.
Learn: How to Eat Pussy Like a Pro
"Hang on, I'm almost finished."
If you and your partner are mid-play and they tell you to stop because they're uncomfortable or just not feeling it, you might be tempted to urge them to stick it out for 3 more minutes because you’re so close.
This is a non-negotiable don't.
When someone says they're done, they're done. Playtime should be pleasurable for everyone involved the entire time, and no one should be expected to grin and bear it — even for 3 minutes.
More: What is the Orgasm Gap?
"You look different naked."
This one is for new partners who haven't yet seen each other in the buff. And to those people I say, yes, it is thrilling to see someone naked for the first time. But if your reaction doesn't sound like praise, it can easily sound like criticism, even if that's not what you intended.
If you’re going to comment on your lover's body, make sure it's unambiguously positive. You can say things like:
“Wow, you’re absolutely stunning.”
“How did I get so lucky?”
“You look better every time I see you.”
Remember: if you remark on your partner’s appearance in a way that doesn’t sound like obvious flattery, they might feel insecure and too preoccupied to enjoy themselves with you.
Are you a pro at flattery but clam up when the lights go down? Check out Dirty Talk For Introverts
"But aren't I enough?"
If your partner expresses an interest in using sex toys together and you say, “but aren’t I enough?,” you’re suggesting that sex toys are competition. They’re not.
Sex toys can't replace human intimacy. If your partner wants to use toys with you, that means they want to explore pleasure with you. When you say you should be all they need, you're discouraging that desire and being controlling to boot.
Besides, I've never had anyone say, "I wish we hadn't tried that couple's vibe" but I do get messages every day from folks who wish they’d tried toys sooner.