On the outs with your partner? Feel like you'll never experience a satisfying solo session again? Let's talk about what self-pleasure looks like when you're sad (spoiler alert: it can be surprisingly enjoyable!). 

Know the Signs of Grief

Before you try to get back into self-pleasuring your body, it can help to understand the temporary physical and emotional impacts of a breakup. You might experience a wide range of symptoms, which can include:

• A profound sense of sadness
• Anger
• Loss of or increase in appetite
• Difficulty sleeping
• Anxiety
• Lack of interest in things you usually like doing
• Depression 
• A constant preoccupation with your ex-partner

These symptoms can feel overwhelming when your relationship ends, particularly during the first few weeks.

While you're going through the early grieving process, you may have no interest in sex or masturbation. On the flip side, you may feel intense desire to have sex or masturbate. This can be an indication of your attachment system experiencing the loss of your former partner. It can happen even if you initiated the breakup or know it was necessary.

Whatever you feel after a breakup, just know that it's normal and will pass with time.

Explore New Sensations

Ready to get back in the self-pleasure saddle? New sensations can help!

When you first break up, your sexuality can feel like it still belongs to your ex, so do things to reclaim that for yourself. Studies show that you building new neural pathways can help you process and move on from grief. You create these pathways by experiencing new things, including different kinds of sexual stimulation. 

Maximize your chances of moving on with new sensations that you didn’t experience with your partner. Never used a toy before? Give it a try now. Used to vibrating toys? Time to try air pressure! Always been interested in edging? This is your chance to explore it. 

Anything novel — like a new stroker, nipple toy, even a scented massage oil — can help you enjoy your sexuality without bringing up memories of sex with your ex.  

Learn more: How To Practice Edging

Do Your Best

if you attempt to masturbate and have to stop halfway through to cry or because you're just not feeling it, that is not a failure. Good for you for seeking out a little  dopamine boost! A big part of the reason why breakups hurt so much is the withdrawal from dopamine and other feel-good chemicals like oxytocin and endorphins. 

One of the best ways to boost dopamine is by giving yourself an orgasm. That's not my opinion, that's science! So try making a point to wine and dine yourself, take yourself to bed, and spend some time getting reacquainted with your body as a single person.

If you can't quite finish, that's okay. It's still important to prioritize yourself, which is crucial to the healing process. You can also try boosting your dopamine with a work out, getting enough sleep and sunlight, meditating, and listening to music. 

Learn more: 6 Reasons Why You Should Masturbate

Don't Rush It

Finally, if you feel so far from turned on that the thought of masturbation makes you want to cry and vomit simultaneously, that's perfectly normal. And it won't last forever!

In the meantime, try to enjoy non-sexual things that make you feel connected to the moment, like:

• Taking a hot bath
• Deep breathing
• Being affectionate with your friends, family, and pets
• Giving yourself a foot massage
• Stretching or doing yoga
• Going for a walk 
• Allow feelings of guilt, regret, anger, and loneliness to pass through you without becoming fixated on them or trying to push them away

As difficult as breakups can be, remember: they can also be an opportunity to rediscover new sides of yourself and your sexuality. As you go through the transition from partnered to (happily!) single, give yourself the grace of time and approach your body with patience, kindness, and non-judgment. 

Learn more: Feel Guilty About Sex?